The first sign that this is a "fairy tale" is our hero, Derek Thompson (Dwayne Johnson), a minor league hockey player, is sporting a full set of perfect pearly whites. Really, how many hockey players exist with such an awesome smile? Anyway, his moniker as a player is "The Tooth Fairy", because he hits his opponents so hard they invariably lose a tooth. Amazingly stupid, but true nonetheless.

Derek, when he's not playing bad hockey, is dating the lovely Carly (Ashley Judd), who has two children, a teenaged boy named Randy (Chase Ellison) and a darling little girl named Tess (Destiny Whitlock). Tess adores Derek, but of course, Randy wants nothing to do with him --- now there's a surprise!

One night, when Derek is staying with the children while Carly goes to school, he hosts a poker game. He runs out of cash and proceeds to steal Tess' tooth fairy money from under her pillow. When discovered, he defends himself by attempting to dash her dreams by explaining that there is no real tooth fairy. For this, he is summoned to Fairyland and sentenced to two weeks of duty as a "real" tooth fairy. It is here that he meets his case worker, Tracy (Stephen Merchant) and the fairy headmistress, Lily (Andrews). And to complete this lunacy, Billy Crystal has a cameo as the gadget guru, a la "Q" in the James Bond films.

What can I say? Written by Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel, and directed by Michael Lembeck, this is Hollywood at its worst. We are forced to watch as Derek goes bumbling along as a very reluctant tooth fairy, enduring the requisite house cat, dog, awakened child, awakened parents, etc. None of this is clever and certainly not funny. There are a few occasions when it could have been entertaining, but the writing is horrendous, thus nothing works. The subplot of Derek helping Randy prepare for a school talent show could have been promising had it not dissolved into a sentimental mess.

Judd does the best she can with this limited script, and she and Ellison give the most believable performances. Johnson is too gosh-darn-it over the top, along with Merchant. As I mentioned, even Andrews is a non-plus, her actions are wooden and uninspired, until the very last scene with Crystal again --- but way too late to matter.

Clearly, as you can tell, I did not enjoy this film. And yet, there are critics out there who gave this the same rating as "Leap Year". Trust me, I would happily sit through "Leap Year" a thousand times before enduring this stinker even one more time.

Dwayne Johnson, although he is likeable enough as an actor, and possesses that million-dollar Hollywood smile, none of that makes him an A-List actor, or this a good film. "Tooth Fairy" is an amiable effort that 10-year-old boys and girls will embrace. It does attempt to appeal to older audiences, especially with Billy Crystal in a cameo appearance as a wise-cracking supply clerk in the fantasy world of tooth fairies, and with Julie Andrews as the tough-talking boss of the fairies.

Crystal was a surprise, although his part is hit-and-miss as far as the writing goes. He delivers some funny lines, but it's not exactly vintage Crystal -- not his fault, of course. Andrews is still beautiful and has a presence on screen, but apparently there aren't a lot of roles for 74-year-old women, although she has provided her voice in "Shrek" and "Enchanted" in recent years.

Ashley Judd plays Johnson's girlfriend, but she is capable of so much more than this role. One thing in the film's favor, however, and important in a sports-related movie --- the actors could all skate well. Unfortunately, the storyline with Johnson having to perform typical tooth fairy duties to atone for bad behavior never really enthralls the audience. As Derek, Johnson is given all kinds of special tools to perform his work, including shrinking paste so he can fit under front doors and gain access to homes, and loss-of-memory dust so people can't recall actually meeting a real tooth fairy.

To its credit, there is virtually no bathroom humor, but there are a lot of tooth/truth puns that aren't particularly clever, only annoying. I have resisted using any of those in this review, but in all toothfulness, the movie wasn't as bad as I anticipated.

Opinion: Don't Bother! (unless you were born after 1999)